K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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