I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
