So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
