I met the friendliest cop last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
