The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I just put wine in my tea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
