weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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