Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Shame is for Republicans.
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