Will you blow on my dice?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
