handjob tips. give me some.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
