I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
