CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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