dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
