You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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