What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
