why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
