brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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