Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
