I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
