I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The adults are the big ones right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
