I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
