I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
