Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
