Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
