Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
