im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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