im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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