i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
