garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
