You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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