either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
