Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
