all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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