You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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