i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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