There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
