Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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