She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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