and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
