all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
