I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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