something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
