My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
