nut hugger
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
