"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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