It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
