your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
