she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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