I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
