And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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