so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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