I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
