Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
