i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
