The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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