just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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