So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
